a brand new world

So here I am standing in Africa. Breathing in its air. Letting the cold sink into my bones..

Starting a new section of my life.

Gone is the oppressive humidity of Panama

The jungle in my backyard, overflowing in every area of the city

New beginnings

New endings

New ideas

New loves

New difficulties

Here I go. I find it so hard to really write down what living this has been like. And what going into this next season is framed by..what is. Partly because im still asking God that myself.

You find out so much truth about yourself when you step into each new country, with each new truth of mans/womans frail existence glaring you in the face. Then you find out that all these issues that you are fighting against, are issues that lay within yourself. When you feel fear creep under your skin because of your own weakness. Your own judgments. These ugly truths within yourself.

These are things that I've had to grapple with…that I still am turning over and figuring out. I have to deal with these things within myself.

But one of my friends from my team shared this morning about what God has been doing within her, what revelation he has been bringing to her. And it struck me that these were the things that I have been tossing over myself. Wondering how I am going to use this photography for Gods kingdom. Knowing that there must be more then what I see just now.

I don’t want to be just another photographer that shows images of poor and broken people with no hope what so ever. Because the truth is, the thing that doesn’t make sense to the rich society, is these people already have hope…the have joy, they know how to laugh and love and share. I know we have all heard it before, from others who have seen this joy in some of the most harsh circumstance, through people who have next to nothing.

What I have come to realize is that these people don’t need our 'service' us helping them, they need us to serve them. To be there servants. Not to come as the rich to the poor, or to cure them of all there diseases, they need us to come on the level of humanity, a common ground.

As my friend was sharing this morning, I want my pictures to not make people look at a picture and take pity on these people, no, much more than that I want people to look at a picture and see two kingdoms colliding, and I want them to make a choice. Because you have to, you choose one or the other, people do it everyday. These people don’t need pity. We need to recognize, really, who is the rich, who is the poor.

I've stumbled along into a few different opportunities. Every Monday night we go to the nearby township(Capricorn) of 20,000 to 25,000 people, victims of the segregation 15years ago, we pray and worship there, kids join us, people wandering by stop to either join in or simply watch. Now on Tuesday's and Thursday's I go to a school just down the road from our house and I will be helping out with a film school with two other girls in my group. I'm not to sure what exactly they want us to do (im not exactly an expert on films) but I think they mainly want us to just help motivate the teenagers into what they are doing. Through this we also got an opportunity to possibly help out in a camp for the school- a lady there who leads a Christian group is eager to get some young faces in to show that Christianity can be "cool" as a teenager- haha- I don’t exactly think ill be the best face to represent that, but it will be an amazing opportunity to really challenge these girls and guys.

Also- time permitting I may be starting up a bible study with my friend Kristin within Capricorn- which would be awesome.
Amongst this I also have day to day school from 8-1 and then assignments every afternoon- so life is busy-but good.

Its weird. All these opportunities are great, but its crazy how apathy and fear creeps in. its been something I struggle with daily. One day im ready to change the world. The next its an effort to walk out the front door. I really want to know Gods heart for these people. I really want to know my heart -haha- that’s part of the journey.

SO .. Things I really could use prayer for
-MY prayer life
-money…im at $1000 I need $3400 USD more by the end of this month.
-That I keep pressing into God-I want my whole heart to be his.
-health-just in general but also for my arthritis that it doesn’t become an obstacle
-my relationship with everyone in the house.
-that I let this be a God thing and not a Naomi thing.

That’s it! So if you have got through this marathon update then CONGRADULATIONS

If you skipped to the end then…well fair enough haha

But love you all sorry this has taken its sweet time. And I appreciate all your prayer

Kisses and hugs

Breath in Panama Breath out South AFRICA?

LAST FEW DAYS

This part of the journey is coming to a close. And Im falling in love with this place, doesn’t mean Im not happy to leave, but I asked God to really soften my heart for this country and to see the beauty and how he loves it and he has. Well at least a lot more than I was to begin with. Even in the little things like telling a woman on the bus that God loves her was awesome. Seeing the greatness of God explode in my world, how he loves us to abandon ourself in his arms. And how abandonment can be amazing when you know your so safe with Him.

I’ve learnt so many things and am still learning so many things. Its made me think about ‘missions’ what they should look like- to be honest I don’t think I really enjoy that term missions anyway. I prefer being. Being with God. Although I knew this before, God just really kept reminding me, that missions is where ever we are. At home, overseas, at work, at a café. That our love for him should over flow… just in our being.

Let everything we do be done for a purpose.

THE THINGS MY EYES DID SEE

Broken women pleading for a way out of the lives they exist in. Pleading to do more than just exist.

Kids that are so happy but who are being born into a trap, a cycle, that just keeps churning round and round till someone says STOP.

I’ve seen churches cry as they realize that there are truths about their own country they never knew. People stirred and eager for action.

Tourists that only came for the beauty of the country, seeing, hearing ,tasting God.

Seeking.

Team mates, change, grow, stretch break- me-myself the same.

GOING GOING…STILL

Hmmmm God is taking me on an adventure for sure………For a few years now God has been speaking to me…I’d be walking down the street and something would shiver over me, and excitement, and incredible overwhelming creativity, that I never knew how to express or what to do with. I recognize now that Gods whisper was in that. He was telling me, hold on, theres more, Ive got something crazy for you.

He knows that’s what I need. Even when sometimes it scares me.

Its the beginning of something crazy wonderful an adventure of God and I.

Yep we love each other heaps.

THE NOW

I have to be honest. This may be the hardest point of outreach for me. And no its not because I am in some crazy place where snakes are trying to eat me. Or because its too difficult to love these people. In fact…they are SO loveable. Its something within the very team I am reaching out with. Tension has risen within our group at large. And I of course feel it.

Of course this will happen at some point. But I am finding it hard to keep my head up smile on and a soft heart. Especially when I think “ oh my..two years”. So I know I need prayer in dealing with this and everything within the situation. I also know I am wearing a bit thin at the edges as I’m tired and this outreach is drawing near to the end. Which is crazy…less than 3 weeks left! I think it will be a sad farewell but I am SO excited about South Africa. And yes I will admit that the thought of a bed to sleep in and possibly a actual room to sleep in is AWESOME.

OUR REACHING OUT AND SOME

This is what it has looked like.

Early morning wake up. Stumble out of bed. Stare at suitcase. Pull some tangled clothes on.

Shove breakfast down throat. “BUS WENT PAST!”

Few minutes later…bus arrives. Get on. Head phones on. Watch beautiful jungle fly by for 45mins.

Arrive at destination…wait…wait…wait…wait….wait etc

Ride turns up takes us to a clinic. Room filled with women who sell their bodies to live.

What to say.

WHAT DO YOU SAY

Pray.

Tears.

Smiles.

LOVE….love?

Oh.

WHERE TO NEXT

We have made awesome contacts and we get to go to a sort of halfway house where kids and teenagers hang out, get food..and hopefully love. We get to play laugh love them. And also work on cleaning sanding down and help transform the building. Or at least try! ASWELL AS visiting kids whose mums are caught up in prostitution and let them know that Jesus wants to know them love them hear them be with them. And that. His love is…TRUE

Yep

Gods got this. Love it. Love Him.

loud confessions

To bare my heart

Is to say I’m tired and scared

But at the same time I’m hopeful and trusting

Down to the bone I feel worn

But there is so much left in me

I just need more

Of truth

I’m tired

Because of this and that

Tired of being tired

I’m scared because I’m human

And sometimes the future

Isn’t simple

But I’m hopeful because I know

You made me for all of this

And I believe you

Though even that takes strength at times

I trust though

Because

Well that’s simple

Your God

one:i hope your reading. two: its 2!

As I turned my ipod up to max, trying to drown out the sound of Cale’s voice (I love the guy but sometimes…almost always he talks….and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and TALKS….this is too much to put in brackets…oh well) I was taking in the amazing sky with punched out holes of brilliant light and an amazing half moon and Im just like GOD YOU A FREAKN COOL. This past week has just been the randomest, most dramatic, most bipolar week of my life. At some point or another something in me snapped and I turned into this angry frustrated, constantly onthevergeofyellingaslewofcusswords for no apparent reason kind of person. I don’t know when this happened or what really took place for this to happen. But it did. And it was horrible. I was not the most positive person to be around. I started question…more intensely…why I was even here in Panama and should I be going on the Track. Maybe community life was getting under my skin(sleeping a few cm apart, eating together, showering outside behind tarp (in our togs(can you put this many brackets inside other brackets?(oh well I just did it…3 times))) but I think more over it was attack from Satan. Of course I mean this isn’t a battle between flesh and blood right? Right. SO amongst all this anger and frustration I and a few other young ladies in our group, got asked to speak at a womens conference…on whatever we liked- Well to do with gender based injustice-This was supposed to be the 2^nd largest church in Panama. I was not feeling at all spiritual! We found out a day and a half before. I ended up writing on prostitution… the night before. When we arrived there it turns out it wasn’t as big as we were expecting(about 40 women) so I was kinda like, ah ok God…But after we all spoke I could sense and see a real change in these women. They really took in what we had to say, some where crying because they had no idea that this stuff was going on in their own city. They bought a lot of our books on injustice issues and even took an offering for us. It was such a blessing to see the love that they totally poured out to us. There were divine appointments and friendships made it was insane.

THEN that night after an exhausting but awesome day I find out we have been asked to speak at a church the very next night(Sunday night) SO that is where I have just come home from. It was awesome, this church is filled with young people/adults and the minute the service started the holy spirit just totally fell on the place. Their worship was so amazing, just seeing their desire for God spilt out in their praise for him. Then we got to talk and it went really well. A little bit of sound difficulty but that didn’t seem to faze them. Again God totally had prepared their hearts and spoke our message directly to their them. As I had been worshiping I just kept on wanting to lay everything I had prepared down to Him and I told Him “have your way” as I prayed I felt a stirring in my heart which I wasn’t sure what it was. I thought maybe God wanted me to share my testimony but didn’t know for sure (I know wheres the faith?right?haha) but I went up and said what I had to say then God added a little more. Just calling the people in the church to go out and touch, hug, hold and SEE these women in prostitution as Gods BEAUTIFULL amazing daughters. To pray for them and to meet them. To bring change to Panama. It was great knowing God was having his way in that place. So it went from a week of be being this yuck monster to God just being like “see, see what I have in store for you, see what I can do through you. I Am the God you serve. THIS is beauty” and I love it!

So back to me in the van drowning Cales voice out. Watching the crazy beautiful sky follow me home. I felt a great peace about Track and going. These things that have happened just made me see how we can bring change. How we can motivate people to rise up as we do the same. And how God can move through us no matter where we are at. How he has control and we can do nothing but rest in that fact and be ready to move when he asks us ever so subtly to GO.

So Im going. Two years. Two years of community life. Two years of shared EVERTHING. Two years to spread Gods love to people no matter what language we speak. Two years to discover the beauty in all these cultures. Two years to uncover the truth. Two years to bring change. Two years to start something in me that will never die.

If you want to come with me, to join in on this adventure, please do. Pray for our group. Support me monthly weekly…once off with your money (please please do! Haha) read my blog…go yourself. But I have seen the truth. I know the truth. I have felt and tasted the truth. And it has set me free. now I want freedom for others. Come with.

bend. stretch. break. breath. grow.

this past week we took an 8 hour drive/ truck ride to help out a part of the Ngobe tribe, with a medical team.the tribe was crazy and cool. i found it really hard going there i had little excitment for it. when we got there we found we had to sleep on the concrete floor(which i am already doing here at the church) however this ground is dirty and no matter how we swept it didnt clean up. none of us had mats to sleep on so we had to sleep straight on the floor. good character building but little sleep as we had dogs barking through the night then a few hours of silence then the rosters were crowing. we went with a medical team and helped them out as well as hung out with the kids. i have photos up on facebook. on the last day i helped out mainly in the kitchen...which consisted of holes on concrete that you burn a fire in with huge pots to put on top. so i got really grubby with the soot...
. AND there was no showers...and no drinking water for that matter...so we had to bring water and wash in a creek which was about a 5 min walk away.....dont know how clean that water was but o well. so it was an adventure. on one of the days we did a 45min hike to the same tribe but they live in pockets in the mountain area. some of these people havnt seen white people before so it was real interesting. they were shy but we got to pray for a few people.

i also joined in on the prayer team..we prayed for all the patients that either had seen a doctor or who were about to. some of them were really moved by it. one lady was saying how she wasnt sure if God could really heal and after the end of our prayer she was crying and all she could say was thank u God thank you God. (we had an interpretor) ....on the second to last day i was standing outside exhausted from cooking and cleaning and my arthritis had flared up so i was a little sore and this little girl came and plonked herself down next to me and just beamed up at me so i sat down in the dirt with her and gave her a big grin so she copied me haha it was so funny you know how adults over express their faces to kids well she did the same back...AH i fell in love with her like that. i cant speak spanish though i was hoping God would give me the gift of tounges at that moment to speak it....woulda been shweeeeeet. but no cigar. so we played with her we bouncy ball...she would hide it and then hold her hands out with a huge grin and say no?no? till i found it then id do the same.....haha her photos are on facbook. so she stole my heart.

this is so long. as always. you will just have to suck it up and read it! :D

I got a really encouraging email from a guy a friend and I had met at the hostel when we stayed in the city. I had given him my irrisestable revolution book before I left. In the email he explained how much he was thankful for the book because it had made him see "religion" in a different way. He had always just discredited anything to do with religion. but through talking ot me and my friend britany and reading the book it made him start to think about what he was doing in this world and more about God. I had tried to explain that all this whole thing is about is Love...thats it. once we understand that everything else will carry on. after reading the book he got what i meant. so now he is looking more into this and God etc. its exciting.

Alright. The end

rise up

Its mid day and me my leader Anne and one of the other girls on my team are doing a trash clean up down our street, when all of a sudden 6 heavily uniformed men climb out of a truck. They all look like SWAT team of some sort. Then they start walking towards us. All of a sudden they pull out a point and shoot camera "photo?"

It was a very funny moment looking at these tough uniformed men wanting a picture with us. We ended up talking with them for quite a while and invited them to church which was cool. though they did tell us some sobering news about the area we wanted to reach the prostitutes in. "they will kill you for 25cent" they said. I know the devil doesnt want this to happen. At the moment I think he is trying to use fear..so its going to be very interesting.

listing of suprises in Panama:

bats

scorpians

larger than life cockroach

larger than face hairy gross spider

killer bee's

eartquake

storms

..."Jesus never talked to a prostitute because he didnt see a prostitute. He just saw a child of God he was madly in love with"

When I read this it hit me straight in the heart. Revelation. THIS is how God looks at his sons and daughters, this is how I need to...how WE NEED to see our brothers and sisters and to love them.

Over the past two weeks I have been trying to figure out how we are going to reach these woman, how we are going to uncover the issue of human trafficking. how are we going to bring change? Then God spoke directly to me. This is how I love my children, now go do the same. I know this has been true from the start. Us wanting to love these people. to show Gods love but i guess amongst us trying to find the stats and figure out action plans, the simplicity gets lost.

In our small group of 12hearts we decided to stay a couple of nights in the inner city. So after a adventerous bus ride...in which the bus got pulled over by the police, who then made us all get off the bus and we had to get on another one...we then walked what was supposed to be a 10min walk and 25mins later we arrived at our hostel. The next day we split into groups and went to different parts of the city that we felt led to. My group caught an amazing taxi(who played Michael Jackson) to a part of town we had been in the other day. We walked the streets, met people talking in our broken spanish, took photos. We got to pray for one man who had been living in the centre of the square for 3months in protest to the distruction of the land where his tribe lived. I have no idea if he understood our prayer but I know God used it to impact his life. and that is enough.

We then got to visit a lady we met the last time we were in the city and had prayed for before. This time we sat down and listened to her story. It was amazing, tragic, broken....but beautiful. She is a strong woman who has lived and life with many hurts. But I can see Gods redeming hand in this and I cant wait to see what God wants to do in her life. Whether it involves us or something crazy wonderful.

The last night my friend and I stayed up and talked with a bunch of people in the hostel. One guy was really interested to hear about what we were doing and we got to share our testimony and to just speak truth into his life. It was mean as. I left him my irresistible revolution...and Im praying for him.

So anyhow we are back in the church once again and tomorow we are leaving early in the morena to go to the tribe. These people are malnourished, they are pushed to the fringes of society and they are desperate. So this could be an intense week. to show love.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

storms, spiders, jungle, Jesus.

A couple days into our arival in Panama, a storm hits. The biggest storm that they have had in almost 5 years. After church on sunday we found out that some of the congrgations houses had been destroyed in the storm. These people were the indeginous people of Panama, so their houses were hutts, and their huts were only located by a short hike through the jungle and a "boat" ride through seaweed and crocodile infested waters.

So we decided to go. We left before noon and walked towards the jungle. The boat ride was...pretty much like you see on those adventure programes...this is my life!... We slowly sliced our way throught the seaweed or whatever it was, as the birds walked ontop of the lillie pads next to us. We had to balance carefully so we didnt fall in. I was sitting there...and I realised... Im in Panama...what the! So our idea was to go and help out in whatever way we could, we ended up removing the debris from the hutts down the hill a bit further...it was hot, I was pretty much swimming in my own sweat. This was ok. This I could handle. No, the hard part came half way through this process, when we experienced our first scorpian, that was scary, then I had a few huge cockroach running up my legs on my hands. Once cockroach, which fortunatly wasnt on me, was as big as my hand..if not bigger. CRAZY. However. All these pale in comparision with the HUGE...HAIRY...STRANGLEY CAPTIVATING YET CHILLING....SPIDER...to get a picture in your mind think of a tranatula...only 3x bigger and darker and ugly. Well I almost stepped upon it as I was clearing some branches away, instead I jumped away from it. arghlarighuuuryuck was my feeling and probably sound.

Aside from all of this though the indeginous people were so greatful and so sweet...their water supply has been blocked off but even so they insisted on letting us drink the water we had brought for them. They were a blessing. It was awesome doing this so cool. Hopfully we will see more of them.

When we got home we had the best shower ever, yes I mean we as our showers consist of four shower heads conected to a water pipe outside the church. So we just have to shower in our clothes outside. together. its interesting haha. So now Im super tired.

Oh and we have so far had two bats in our room. Both made the fatal accident of flying directly into the fans..there fore plummeting to there sad sad deaths...

We sleep on the floor in a preschool..its hard...but still...at least we have walls to keep out some of the bugs? Haha.

So anyway its full on but really awesome. Tomorrow we are meeting with a guy thats working with the sex trafficking issue's and prostitution in the city. So its going to be really interesting to see how we can get involved. Also a couple, Matt and Misty talked to us about issues with orphanes..which is huge. Orphanes are mistreated so badly in Panama its horrifying to hear some things that happen to them. So we are going to try help them too.

This place has so much beauty. But under the surface its also so broken. This is all real stuff. So much more real now that Im in it. I pray that you can get a sense of what is going on here. But I will write more as soon as I can.

Its only the fourth day here and so much has happened. But anyway, more for another day huh!

Adios!

so im leaving....on a jet plane?

Today at 5.45pm i leave to Panama city.

When they said this lecture faze would go quick I never thought it would feel like a week has gone by!

Its INSANE! but really exciting. I really feel a lot more peacful about going... for the past week I've been bateling with my flesh A LOT. Its been screaming louder then I thought I could handle. Ive been going through the motions of just wanting to come home, be with my family and friends, sit down in a comfy chair and eat some of mum's amazing cooking. Pretty much to sink back into my comfort zone. I know I freaked out a little because now I'm looking at the next 2 years of my life streached out in front of me... and well its scary. I'm not going to have those comforts for a while. HOWEVER I am so excited where God is going to lead me, strech me, mould me, and totally use me. Its exciting to think that I can serve Him in such an active way.

Our accomadation has been changed, we were supposed to stay at a YWAM base in Panama City, but somthing didnt work out, so we have been shifted to a wee church. Internet may not be that easily accesed but hopfully I'll be able to go to internet cafes. Just means I wont be in contact as much.

We will be staying with a indeginous tribe...I may have said earlier...but its gonna be crazy! Hiking into the jungle, maybe going down a river etc to get to them...and then well living like them I guess. Which will be VERY interesting. Then we are doing some work in the city, looking into the main issues there and helping out. We then do an outreach for 3 weeks. Our team at the moment doesnt know where we are going to go....Maybe Jamaica but we still dont know where God wants us to be. So a prayer request would be about where we should go!

Please.... Do keep in contact, and keep checking on this blog. Thank you all so much for your support in prayer and in financial help.

I do need long term supporters coming up to the Track... so if any of you do beleive in what Im doing and want to support me....PLEASE DO haha. Also there is a book called Sex and Money which Sarah Vaughan or my parents should have. Its the book that the last track ended up putting together. If you wanna check it out contact them.

SO...because I may not be in much contact with everyone I just want to let you know that I LOVE YOU and MISS you all so much! Seriously Im so blessed to have such an awesome supportive family, friends and church...and everyone from TNC I miss you guys a lot! Thanks for all the prayer. please continue to as i go on outreach. and know I pray for you guys all.

LOVE YA'LL SO MUCH :) :)

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smile like u mean it

my money has all been paid

i dont know who did it but someone did.

and thats awesome....and crazy...and .....well....God can provide.

so im leaving this thurs i dont know what to expect. i will be going to panama city and i think we are going to be helping out in places there for a bit but then we go to stay with a tribe...which will be slightly crazy. an adventure to say the leaset. we have had our last speaker who was from Germany, he definatly got me excited about using photography in all of this. it made me want to go and practise all day. i want God to be the guide fully. i want to capture what he wants me to capture.

im sorry for the lack of grammer. i am really tired. and not all that bothered.

but as long as u get the main idea that i want/ need to get across.

i am packing everything up, putting some stuff in storage and sorting out what i want to bring with me. i almost want to give everything away and to just take one pair of clothing. but i know that would be a regret sooner or later haha.

bon iver has been my music as of late.

and jesus.

well im gonna go before i confuse everyone!

haha much love

i mean...Gods pretty much the best

Ok so its going to be short and sweet. I realise this is a bit overdue.

PRAISE THE LORD! and THANK YOU to all the amazing people that gave me money. I am so blessed to have such support!

In a matter of 2 weeks? My blance oweing has gone from $4000 to $1300...Im amazed. Half of this money has come in through unknown means. Its crazy. It has been a rollercoaster of faith through this. At points I had to keep reminding myself of who I served and that my God has an abundance of wealth. ..

But again thankyou so much to all who helped me and who beleive in what I am doing. I so long for more and more people to have a passion for this cause and to see that this is more that just a school for "Naomi find her path" but that this is God wanting to work through through me, through you... through anyone and everyone, and that we can all bring change.

To be honest I have had some pretty big questions arising in my head, and am feeling weary even as I write this. I have had some good chats with people around me and my leader, and even though I have these questions I always come back to the fact that God is God, and no matter how long it takes me to answer these questions or even if i never do, I will still serve him. And thats that. Because even though there are questions, there is still all this knowledge I do have in Him. Even down to every breath I take.

So yes..this isnt that long but I just wanted to update you all on Gods goodness. I will write further asap.

Love you all, and please email me your address. my email is gold_fish_5@hotmail.com

Blessings and love

xxoo

everything must change

Brokenness is not the point. Pain is not the point. Sin is not the point. Hatred is not the point. Hurt is not the point.  This life is not the point. You and I are not the point. LOVE is the point.

God is Love.

God IS.

“But you will receive power  when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witness in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and the ends of the earth.” Acts 1:8

Its 3 weeks until my great departure for outreach in Panama and…well where ever the Lord takes us. Man it feels like I have been fast forwarding through life and I’m going to stop and look back and not recognize myself! (well lets hope not huh) the more and more I think about what’s lying ahead of me, the more excited I get. I don’t have all the money for outreach, it’s due this Friday. But I fully have trust in God that His will will be done, in my life, on this earth, as it is in heaven.

A sure fired passion is rising up in me, just yesterday Laura Fisher spoke to us, she reminded us of Gods amazing BEAUTIFUL pursuit for our lives. Its freakin amazing! OUR GOD IS AMAZING.  Its crazy, it makes my heart beat that little bit faster. When God created us he wanted us to share with Him beauty, He wanted us as friends, relationship, He wanted an earth full of captivated worshippers. To love and be loved. But he couldn’t force us so he didn’t. He hoped and hoped we would choose him. But we didn’t. Now ever since the fall he has been on this “extravagant redemptive adventure” He wants us back! He doesn’t just sit back and watch us walk away He pursues all of us!

What makes this even more amazing? He is asking us to be part of this adventure, to magnify Jesus to others. All we have to do is to know His love, I mean if we know His love it will be too much to just contain. It will over flow. We don’t have to argue to push or pull people. It should simply be in our being.

I know we have all probably been taught this in one way or another, but I guess for me at least it was just a revelation, it sunk deeper this time. I feel God going so deep its uncontainable! When I first got here I was questioning what Gods love was like, what it would take to have a revelation of His love, it was like I was striving to understand this. And then one day, as I was praying, pleading God to reveal how much He loved me. He spoke.

Wasn’t my Sons death enough?

Wow

Talk about straight up.

How blind was I? I mean… this is the death of Christ. This was Gods heart for us exemplified so loudly its crazy, yet here I am, dwelling in selfishness and self pity. What the heck?  REVELATION

So, it’s all going deeper. I was going through a time of home sickness, thinking about two years away from home kinda freaked me out. BUT when I look at my life time, its not that long at all, and what better timing. I am excited. Because I want change, I want hope, I have hope, I have truth, and I can be part of Gods amazing plan to bring this, to all people.

I have also been learning more and more about the Holy Spirit, and the characteristics of the Holy spirit, how its so much more than just receiving things like gifts from the Holy Spirit, but it’s a relationship. God works through us with the Holy Spirit! We can be so intimately connected that Christ’s power is IN us… we are his hands and feet.

And this may horrify some, others may find this awesome, and others may be like, what the heck is she on. I spoke in tongues/ sang in tongues. I have always been so skeptical of this and never really let it be part of my life. However during Holy Spirit week I felt God moving in me, so I said, “God whatever you want to activate/ do in me I give up any pre conception of what I think is right or wrong and Ill let you have me in full". So he did. This is a personal thing for me however, its just a nice wee add on that God was like, here you go have this and enjoy.

Thanks God

Any way I have rambled on a lot! Alls to say is, Im still being stretched. It is good.

I will update this to tell everyone of any amazing God gifts of money after Friday.

I love everyone, miss everyone, hope that Gods moving you all.

xxxxxxoooooooooooo

 

this is here this is now

THE UPDATE

It is now my one month anniversary of being in the beautiful Big Island of Hawaii. This month has been an extravaganza of spiritual surgery.   God has broken me in so many ways but I know its just the start. In a way that’s scary but at the same time it’s exhilarating.  God has been revealing to me what it means to totally lay down everything at his feet. To offer back to him what he has originally gave to me in the first place. This means what I think my ‘rights’ are, are no longer my rights. He has been teaching me so much through all the different speakers. Before I came here, as many of you know from my first letter, I have been exploring what Romans 12 looks like in my life. Now God is refining that, He is gently asking permission to enter into parts of my life. For example my relationships, my home, my family, all these things a need to lay at the cross and abandon my right to them. This is scary. At the start of the month I got so scared and the devil used all these revelations to totally warp my view on my God that I serve. My  picture of him was of a God who wanted to take everything till I hurt. Till I suffered. Until I was left with nothing.

I struggled with this for a few weeks, it became such a burden, such a worry that I ended up breaking down into a fit of tears. I didn’t understand this God I served and I didn’t want to give him everything because if he wanted me to suffer then surely he wouldn’t give anything good back to me. Ultimately I was being selfish. I was wanting to have control, I was wanting to insure my comfortable life. I wanted to decide how much I suffered. And my view on my Father was totally warped. I was letting satan lie to me.

Luckily God cared enough to speak through other people, with words of knowledge, of affirmation, and of his love for ME. I realized that God wants to give me my hearts desires. He knows what’s best for me more than anyone else. I can trust him. I’m excited to let him have it all, because I know He will give me far better things then I could ever desire.

BURDENS OF MY HEART

My heart is broken. I plead with you to open your hearts, to open your eyes, to see this truth for what it is even if it’s ugly and uncomfortable. God has revealed something in my heart, something new has been born. An anger, a rage, a sadness…something overwhelming. Facts have been thrown at me about different injustices, since I came here. However this morning it went straight to my heart.

Child pornography, human trafficking, slavery, abuse… this is our world. How can we possibly live each day knowing this is happening to people so helpless? These questions hit back and forth in my mind. I have always looked at people who devote their lives to looking after the poor, to looking after the needy, to looking after the broken, as amazing people.  They were the exception. But God has been speaking to me. Speaking to many. Saying this isn’t the exception , this is the rule. This is what God’s called us to do. What will separate us from the goats?

So with all these questions, with this knowledge, with this truth, I feel I must…I know I must go and do something about it. What that looks like I’m not sure. One way I’m thinking about doing this is staying with my school that I’m in now, but for two years travel to broken parts of countries and reaching the people there. In a deeper way be a ‘voice for the voiceless’. The aim is not just be a spectator and document issue’s in different countries, but to know the people. To listen to their cries. To help. With our camera’s as our weapon’s we aim to fight for these people, to reveal these issue’s to governments, to the rich, to the church, to the world. To find ways we can conquer these issues, to show that God loves these people just as much as he loves you and I. After two years of doing this we will come back to the University of Nations and compile all our information/photographs/film and make a book or dvd or both to get these people’s stories out. This is also a photography class, so along the way we will be harnessing our skills as photography and hopefully ending up with a degree from the U of N. We will study photography and design, biblical studies, worldview and related issues. It will be crazy, fun, heartbreaking, exhilarating, probably every kind of emotion.

Two other significant things that have happened are two specific words that people felt to give me, which I have given to God to bring to reality. One was the verse Isaiah 61:1-3, then the other was a word that Jay Lukas(a speaker) felt to give me, that God was changing the orientation of where home is to me. That home is not going to just be in NZ but around the world and wherever he chooses to lead me.  Both of these people don’t know me from a bar of soap but it was awesome to have God use them to speak to me.

 HELP!

It’s a hard thing to ask in this economic situation. But I do believe my God is bigger than money and I know he will help me and provide for me. So please pray, I need all the prayer I can get. Also if anyone would want to be my long term supporter…well I NEED YOU haha, it will end up costing me $3000 a month to do this thing. So I need a lot of supporters! These costs cover travel,  food, a roof over my head etc.

So I’m asking you, if you can, if you feel like Gods is asking you to then I would so so so appreciate your help. But only if that’s what you feel God is saying, otherwise/ or /and your prayers are so important to me. Thank you so much for already supporting me thus far, and if that’s all you can do I want you to know that I appreciate it so much. All of this is up to God though, if the doors close on this I know he will still lead me into something awesome no matter where I am, I’m simply taking a stab in the dark and hoping he will light up my path.

ok so....

I have had a really amazing weekend. Really amazing. We went to Mile 88 beach and it was AMAZING! I will post some photo's on facebook. It was also the first time I have been burnt since being here. Ouch. We have had really good weather and it is getting hotter now each day I swear I am going to melt into a pool of sweat.
While the weekends are awesome and relaxing, the weeks are still pretty full on and intense.We spent this week with reading Genisis for two hours each morning, so we read the whole book and also Hebrews.It was really cool and eye opening.
Over this week we have to chose what countries we want to do a short outreach to when we are in Panama, I think I want to go to Colombia or Cuba, but we will have to see! At the end of the month I have to pay for my outreach flights which I still dont have all the money for, so Im trying to figure out ways to raise it. Prayer would be much appreciated.

The TRACK.....
SOOOOO. There is an option at the end of this DTS for me to join a group of people from this PhotogenX dts and other people from around the world on a journey to learn about and to expose the brokeness and injustice of the world. Our aim is to not just be 'photographers' but also to get involved and help make a difference while we are there, and to contiue to do so by bringing these issues to goverments, to nations, to churches.
We would literally be going around the whole world,(for two years) going to all sorts of countries and going to places that would most probably not be on your typical 'tour' guide. This is an amazing opportunity, however I dont know if this is what God is calling me too, so Im gonna be praying A LOT.

Ok so turns out not matter where I go this is the comment I get: " Naomi.... your really weird"

......im learning to accept this and asking Jesus to help me. haha

I miss you guys butt loads. Really. So email me. I may not email back straight away but i read them al. Its just hard to get time to get on here. mail me! Ill mail back!..put ur sender thingy on the letter. Honestly I would be so excited.

Ok dont know what else to blog about. Ill make my next one more exciting.

LOVE LOVE AND MORE LOVE

Growing pains...

This week has been...well crazy.So full of so much stuff it feels like a month has passed by. We had two speakers, a husband and wife speaking, Faith and Andrew Dutton. Amazing speakers, really in tune with God and listening to his voice.  Faith was born in NZ and she definatly has that bluntness that us NZers tend to carry, but it was still in love. It was so good to hear their message but really confronting. The topic was Freedom in Christ, so we really had to take a good hard look at our lives and sin and the junk but also the love of God and his grace, that he wants to set us free.

Its different to a lot of messages I have heard about repentance because it wasnt all caught up in feeling sorry for myself. It was more like, be an adult, make adult decisions about the crap in your life. God wants us to 'grow up'. I realised I cant keep making excuses or shift blame for things I have done. I need to take responsibilty for what I have done and what I will do. Also the fact its not about us. This whole relationship with God isnt all about US doing anything, its about God using us to do the work. I really had to look at the reasons behind why I want to love and serve God, was it so that I felt all warm and happy inside? Or was it because I want to serve God and show people his love.

Growing hurts, Im realising this quickly. It doesnt feel good, but I have to grow because I cannot stand just staying in one place. What a waste of a life God breathed, I have to be faithful with each day, or why would he want to give me any more?

I need to 'shutup and die' (to self)

Learning to not be led by emotions but by my will, is a whole other thing. Something Im growing in and that I have to choose to do each day.

I have had two words of knowledge spoken over me this week (flipin crazy week) one was Isaiah 61:1-3...over the call in my life, I am giving this up to God and asking Him to reveal what this looks like in my life. Also... I was in the prayer room, completly exhausted and just crying out to God, a guy came over and asked if he could pray for me so he did, and totally spoke into issues that I was facing at that moment, it was awesome.

So Ill stop my rambling but as you can see... a lot of stuff has been happening. I am learning a lot but I am still LEARNING, I have none of this down to a fine art so am continually asking for Gods grace. Thank you all for your prayer and please keep it coming. I also keep you all in my prayer and miss you all. I really really love you all. SO MUCH. you have no idea. You are my family.

MUM AND DAD, just thought I would let you know that I love you and am so apreciative of what you have done in my life, I'm so blessed.

So that was kinda like a dairy entry but. well this is me now

Love you all.

My first blog...EVER

Ok so here I am...on a land far far away, with people who talk funny...and who can't understand me at all. Welcome to YWAM! I have been here a week, but the week feels like months, not because its tedious or boring or anything bad. But because its all so new, and jam packed!

Our morning starts at 6:30am for breakfast, then at 8am we have our first class. This runs untill 12pm then we have lunch we have a short break then work duty for two hours. After this we have dinner then we have another class till 8pm. Then free to do what we want. But we are mostly wasted by this time so we don't last long.

God really broke through to me on the second night being there. We had a day and night of testimonys from each person in the class-all 54 of us- durring the last half God broke my heart for the people around me. Without realising it I had built up judgments of the people in my class, but durring this time I saw how broken and dependent on God we ALL were. God also showed me some of the love he had for this people and how he wants me to love them like that. I really think this is one of the main reasons I am here. To not focus on being loved as much as giving love. To die to self. That is going to be hard! But I am asking God to take me through those steps.

Our meals are pretty good, not cooked in pure lard like I thought may happen. But we have had curry's, roasts(kinda), salads, burritos...a little bit of pasta but not as much as I would have liked!

I know this will dissapoint everyone..except for maybe mum and dad. But I have not found the man of my dreams haha.

The people are also amazing. They are giving and loving. I have made some good mates, Im encouraging everyone to come back to New Zealand with me! Everyone loves New Zealand too.
I am also thinking about doing the 2 year course which I follow on straight after the DTS we go around the world using photography focussing on a main issue and then publishing a book or dvd about the issue at the end. Possibly approaching goverments about it, some how getting the word out there to bring change. I have given this up to God, I am not sure if this is what I should do or not, so a lot of prayer will go into it.

This is me, this is now.
Forever searching and listening for Gods voice.