Breath in Panama Breath out South AFRICA?

LAST FEW DAYS

This part of the journey is coming to a close. And Im falling in love with this place, doesn’t mean Im not happy to leave, but I asked God to really soften my heart for this country and to see the beauty and how he loves it and he has. Well at least a lot more than I was to begin with. Even in the little things like telling a woman on the bus that God loves her was awesome. Seeing the greatness of God explode in my world, how he loves us to abandon ourself in his arms. And how abandonment can be amazing when you know your so safe with Him.

I’ve learnt so many things and am still learning so many things. Its made me think about ‘missions’ what they should look like- to be honest I don’t think I really enjoy that term missions anyway. I prefer being. Being with God. Although I knew this before, God just really kept reminding me, that missions is where ever we are. At home, overseas, at work, at a café. That our love for him should over flow… just in our being.

Let everything we do be done for a purpose.

THE THINGS MY EYES DID SEE

Broken women pleading for a way out of the lives they exist in. Pleading to do more than just exist.

Kids that are so happy but who are being born into a trap, a cycle, that just keeps churning round and round till someone says STOP.

I’ve seen churches cry as they realize that there are truths about their own country they never knew. People stirred and eager for action.

Tourists that only came for the beauty of the country, seeing, hearing ,tasting God.

Seeking.

Team mates, change, grow, stretch break- me-myself the same.

GOING GOING…STILL

Hmmmm God is taking me on an adventure for sure………For a few years now God has been speaking to me…I’d be walking down the street and something would shiver over me, and excitement, and incredible overwhelming creativity, that I never knew how to express or what to do with. I recognize now that Gods whisper was in that. He was telling me, hold on, theres more, Ive got something crazy for you.

He knows that’s what I need. Even when sometimes it scares me.

Its the beginning of something crazy wonderful an adventure of God and I.

Yep we love each other heaps.

THE NOW

I have to be honest. This may be the hardest point of outreach for me. And no its not because I am in some crazy place where snakes are trying to eat me. Or because its too difficult to love these people. In fact…they are SO loveable. Its something within the very team I am reaching out with. Tension has risen within our group at large. And I of course feel it.

Of course this will happen at some point. But I am finding it hard to keep my head up smile on and a soft heart. Especially when I think “ oh my..two years”. So I know I need prayer in dealing with this and everything within the situation. I also know I am wearing a bit thin at the edges as I’m tired and this outreach is drawing near to the end. Which is crazy…less than 3 weeks left! I think it will be a sad farewell but I am SO excited about South Africa. And yes I will admit that the thought of a bed to sleep in and possibly a actual room to sleep in is AWESOME.

OUR REACHING OUT AND SOME

This is what it has looked like.

Early morning wake up. Stumble out of bed. Stare at suitcase. Pull some tangled clothes on.

Shove breakfast down throat. “BUS WENT PAST!”

Few minutes later…bus arrives. Get on. Head phones on. Watch beautiful jungle fly by for 45mins.

Arrive at destination…wait…wait…wait…wait….wait etc

Ride turns up takes us to a clinic. Room filled with women who sell their bodies to live.

What to say.

WHAT DO YOU SAY

Pray.

Tears.

Smiles.

LOVE….love?

Oh.

WHERE TO NEXT

We have made awesome contacts and we get to go to a sort of halfway house where kids and teenagers hang out, get food..and hopefully love. We get to play laugh love them. And also work on cleaning sanding down and help transform the building. Or at least try! ASWELL AS visiting kids whose mums are caught up in prostitution and let them know that Jesus wants to know them love them hear them be with them. And that. His love is…TRUE

Yep

Gods got this. Love it. Love Him.

loud confessions

To bare my heart

Is to say I’m tired and scared

But at the same time I’m hopeful and trusting

Down to the bone I feel worn

But there is so much left in me

I just need more

Of truth

I’m tired

Because of this and that

Tired of being tired

I’m scared because I’m human

And sometimes the future

Isn’t simple

But I’m hopeful because I know

You made me for all of this

And I believe you

Though even that takes strength at times

I trust though

Because

Well that’s simple

Your God

one:i hope your reading. two: its 2!

As I turned my ipod up to max, trying to drown out the sound of Cale’s voice (I love the guy but sometimes…almost always he talks….and talks and talks and talks and talks and talks and TALKS….this is too much to put in brackets…oh well) I was taking in the amazing sky with punched out holes of brilliant light and an amazing half moon and Im just like GOD YOU A FREAKN COOL. This past week has just been the randomest, most dramatic, most bipolar week of my life. At some point or another something in me snapped and I turned into this angry frustrated, constantly onthevergeofyellingaslewofcusswords for no apparent reason kind of person. I don’t know when this happened or what really took place for this to happen. But it did. And it was horrible. I was not the most positive person to be around. I started question…more intensely…why I was even here in Panama and should I be going on the Track. Maybe community life was getting under my skin(sleeping a few cm apart, eating together, showering outside behind tarp (in our togs(can you put this many brackets inside other brackets?(oh well I just did it…3 times))) but I think more over it was attack from Satan. Of course I mean this isn’t a battle between flesh and blood right? Right. SO amongst all this anger and frustration I and a few other young ladies in our group, got asked to speak at a womens conference…on whatever we liked- Well to do with gender based injustice-This was supposed to be the 2^nd largest church in Panama. I was not feeling at all spiritual! We found out a day and a half before. I ended up writing on prostitution… the night before. When we arrived there it turns out it wasn’t as big as we were expecting(about 40 women) so I was kinda like, ah ok God…But after we all spoke I could sense and see a real change in these women. They really took in what we had to say, some where crying because they had no idea that this stuff was going on in their own city. They bought a lot of our books on injustice issues and even took an offering for us. It was such a blessing to see the love that they totally poured out to us. There were divine appointments and friendships made it was insane.

THEN that night after an exhausting but awesome day I find out we have been asked to speak at a church the very next night(Sunday night) SO that is where I have just come home from. It was awesome, this church is filled with young people/adults and the minute the service started the holy spirit just totally fell on the place. Their worship was so amazing, just seeing their desire for God spilt out in their praise for him. Then we got to talk and it went really well. A little bit of sound difficulty but that didn’t seem to faze them. Again God totally had prepared their hearts and spoke our message directly to their them. As I had been worshiping I just kept on wanting to lay everything I had prepared down to Him and I told Him “have your way” as I prayed I felt a stirring in my heart which I wasn’t sure what it was. I thought maybe God wanted me to share my testimony but didn’t know for sure (I know wheres the faith?right?haha) but I went up and said what I had to say then God added a little more. Just calling the people in the church to go out and touch, hug, hold and SEE these women in prostitution as Gods BEAUTIFULL amazing daughters. To pray for them and to meet them. To bring change to Panama. It was great knowing God was having his way in that place. So it went from a week of be being this yuck monster to God just being like “see, see what I have in store for you, see what I can do through you. I Am the God you serve. THIS is beauty” and I love it!

So back to me in the van drowning Cales voice out. Watching the crazy beautiful sky follow me home. I felt a great peace about Track and going. These things that have happened just made me see how we can bring change. How we can motivate people to rise up as we do the same. And how God can move through us no matter where we are at. How he has control and we can do nothing but rest in that fact and be ready to move when he asks us ever so subtly to GO.

So Im going. Two years. Two years of community life. Two years of shared EVERTHING. Two years to spread Gods love to people no matter what language we speak. Two years to discover the beauty in all these cultures. Two years to uncover the truth. Two years to bring change. Two years to start something in me that will never die.

If you want to come with me, to join in on this adventure, please do. Pray for our group. Support me monthly weekly…once off with your money (please please do! Haha) read my blog…go yourself. But I have seen the truth. I know the truth. I have felt and tasted the truth. And it has set me free. now I want freedom for others. Come with.

bend. stretch. break. breath. grow.

this past week we took an 8 hour drive/ truck ride to help out a part of the Ngobe tribe, with a medical team.the tribe was crazy and cool. i found it really hard going there i had little excitment for it. when we got there we found we had to sleep on the concrete floor(which i am already doing here at the church) however this ground is dirty and no matter how we swept it didnt clean up. none of us had mats to sleep on so we had to sleep straight on the floor. good character building but little sleep as we had dogs barking through the night then a few hours of silence then the rosters were crowing. we went with a medical team and helped them out as well as hung out with the kids. i have photos up on facebook. on the last day i helped out mainly in the kitchen...which consisted of holes on concrete that you burn a fire in with huge pots to put on top. so i got really grubby with the soot...
. AND there was no showers...and no drinking water for that matter...so we had to bring water and wash in a creek which was about a 5 min walk away.....dont know how clean that water was but o well. so it was an adventure. on one of the days we did a 45min hike to the same tribe but they live in pockets in the mountain area. some of these people havnt seen white people before so it was real interesting. they were shy but we got to pray for a few people.

i also joined in on the prayer team..we prayed for all the patients that either had seen a doctor or who were about to. some of them were really moved by it. one lady was saying how she wasnt sure if God could really heal and after the end of our prayer she was crying and all she could say was thank u God thank you God. (we had an interpretor) ....on the second to last day i was standing outside exhausted from cooking and cleaning and my arthritis had flared up so i was a little sore and this little girl came and plonked herself down next to me and just beamed up at me so i sat down in the dirt with her and gave her a big grin so she copied me haha it was so funny you know how adults over express their faces to kids well she did the same back...AH i fell in love with her like that. i cant speak spanish though i was hoping God would give me the gift of tounges at that moment to speak it....woulda been shweeeeeet. but no cigar. so we played with her we bouncy ball...she would hide it and then hold her hands out with a huge grin and say no?no? till i found it then id do the same.....haha her photos are on facbook. so she stole my heart.

this is so long. as always. you will just have to suck it up and read it! :D

I got a really encouraging email from a guy a friend and I had met at the hostel when we stayed in the city. I had given him my irrisestable revolution book before I left. In the email he explained how much he was thankful for the book because it had made him see "religion" in a different way. He had always just discredited anything to do with religion. but through talking ot me and my friend britany and reading the book it made him start to think about what he was doing in this world and more about God. I had tried to explain that all this whole thing is about is Love...thats it. once we understand that everything else will carry on. after reading the book he got what i meant. so now he is looking more into this and God etc. its exciting.

Alright. The end

rise up

Its mid day and me my leader Anne and one of the other girls on my team are doing a trash clean up down our street, when all of a sudden 6 heavily uniformed men climb out of a truck. They all look like SWAT team of some sort. Then they start walking towards us. All of a sudden they pull out a point and shoot camera "photo?"

It was a very funny moment looking at these tough uniformed men wanting a picture with us. We ended up talking with them for quite a while and invited them to church which was cool. though they did tell us some sobering news about the area we wanted to reach the prostitutes in. "they will kill you for 25cent" they said. I know the devil doesnt want this to happen. At the moment I think he is trying to use fear..so its going to be very interesting.

listing of suprises in Panama:

bats

scorpians

larger than life cockroach

larger than face hairy gross spider

killer bee's

eartquake

storms

..."Jesus never talked to a prostitute because he didnt see a prostitute. He just saw a child of God he was madly in love with"

When I read this it hit me straight in the heart. Revelation. THIS is how God looks at his sons and daughters, this is how I need to...how WE NEED to see our brothers and sisters and to love them.

Over the past two weeks I have been trying to figure out how we are going to reach these woman, how we are going to uncover the issue of human trafficking. how are we going to bring change? Then God spoke directly to me. This is how I love my children, now go do the same. I know this has been true from the start. Us wanting to love these people. to show Gods love but i guess amongst us trying to find the stats and figure out action plans, the simplicity gets lost.

In our small group of 12hearts we decided to stay a couple of nights in the inner city. So after a adventerous bus ride...in which the bus got pulled over by the police, who then made us all get off the bus and we had to get on another one...we then walked what was supposed to be a 10min walk and 25mins later we arrived at our hostel. The next day we split into groups and went to different parts of the city that we felt led to. My group caught an amazing taxi(who played Michael Jackson) to a part of town we had been in the other day. We walked the streets, met people talking in our broken spanish, took photos. We got to pray for one man who had been living in the centre of the square for 3months in protest to the distruction of the land where his tribe lived. I have no idea if he understood our prayer but I know God used it to impact his life. and that is enough.

We then got to visit a lady we met the last time we were in the city and had prayed for before. This time we sat down and listened to her story. It was amazing, tragic, broken....but beautiful. She is a strong woman who has lived and life with many hurts. But I can see Gods redeming hand in this and I cant wait to see what God wants to do in her life. Whether it involves us or something crazy wonderful.

The last night my friend and I stayed up and talked with a bunch of people in the hostel. One guy was really interested to hear about what we were doing and we got to share our testimony and to just speak truth into his life. It was mean as. I left him my irresistible revolution...and Im praying for him.

So anyhow we are back in the church once again and tomorow we are leaving early in the morena to go to the tribe. These people are malnourished, they are pushed to the fringes of society and they are desperate. So this could be an intense week. to show love.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

storms, spiders, jungle, Jesus.

A couple days into our arival in Panama, a storm hits. The biggest storm that they have had in almost 5 years. After church on sunday we found out that some of the congrgations houses had been destroyed in the storm. These people were the indeginous people of Panama, so their houses were hutts, and their huts were only located by a short hike through the jungle and a "boat" ride through seaweed and crocodile infested waters.

So we decided to go. We left before noon and walked towards the jungle. The boat ride was...pretty much like you see on those adventure programes...this is my life!... We slowly sliced our way throught the seaweed or whatever it was, as the birds walked ontop of the lillie pads next to us. We had to balance carefully so we didnt fall in. I was sitting there...and I realised... Im in Panama...what the! So our idea was to go and help out in whatever way we could, we ended up removing the debris from the hutts down the hill a bit further...it was hot, I was pretty much swimming in my own sweat. This was ok. This I could handle. No, the hard part came half way through this process, when we experienced our first scorpian, that was scary, then I had a few huge cockroach running up my legs on my hands. Once cockroach, which fortunatly wasnt on me, was as big as my hand..if not bigger. CRAZY. However. All these pale in comparision with the HUGE...HAIRY...STRANGLEY CAPTIVATING YET CHILLING....SPIDER...to get a picture in your mind think of a tranatula...only 3x bigger and darker and ugly. Well I almost stepped upon it as I was clearing some branches away, instead I jumped away from it. arghlarighuuuryuck was my feeling and probably sound.

Aside from all of this though the indeginous people were so greatful and so sweet...their water supply has been blocked off but even so they insisted on letting us drink the water we had brought for them. They were a blessing. It was awesome doing this so cool. Hopfully we will see more of them.

When we got home we had the best shower ever, yes I mean we as our showers consist of four shower heads conected to a water pipe outside the church. So we just have to shower in our clothes outside. together. its interesting haha. So now Im super tired.

Oh and we have so far had two bats in our room. Both made the fatal accident of flying directly into the fans..there fore plummeting to there sad sad deaths...

We sleep on the floor in a preschool..its hard...but still...at least we have walls to keep out some of the bugs? Haha.

So anyway its full on but really awesome. Tomorrow we are meeting with a guy thats working with the sex trafficking issue's and prostitution in the city. So its going to be really interesting to see how we can get involved. Also a couple, Matt and Misty talked to us about issues with orphanes..which is huge. Orphanes are mistreated so badly in Panama its horrifying to hear some things that happen to them. So we are going to try help them too.

This place has so much beauty. But under the surface its also so broken. This is all real stuff. So much more real now that Im in it. I pray that you can get a sense of what is going on here. But I will write more as soon as I can.

Its only the fourth day here and so much has happened. But anyway, more for another day huh!

Adios!