this is here this is now

THE UPDATE

It is now my one month anniversary of being in the beautiful Big Island of Hawaii. This month has been an extravaganza of spiritual surgery.   God has broken me in so many ways but I know its just the start. In a way that’s scary but at the same time it’s exhilarating.  God has been revealing to me what it means to totally lay down everything at his feet. To offer back to him what he has originally gave to me in the first place. This means what I think my ‘rights’ are, are no longer my rights. He has been teaching me so much through all the different speakers. Before I came here, as many of you know from my first letter, I have been exploring what Romans 12 looks like in my life. Now God is refining that, He is gently asking permission to enter into parts of my life. For example my relationships, my home, my family, all these things a need to lay at the cross and abandon my right to them. This is scary. At the start of the month I got so scared and the devil used all these revelations to totally warp my view on my God that I serve. My  picture of him was of a God who wanted to take everything till I hurt. Till I suffered. Until I was left with nothing.

I struggled with this for a few weeks, it became such a burden, such a worry that I ended up breaking down into a fit of tears. I didn’t understand this God I served and I didn’t want to give him everything because if he wanted me to suffer then surely he wouldn’t give anything good back to me. Ultimately I was being selfish. I was wanting to have control, I was wanting to insure my comfortable life. I wanted to decide how much I suffered. And my view on my Father was totally warped. I was letting satan lie to me.

Luckily God cared enough to speak through other people, with words of knowledge, of affirmation, and of his love for ME. I realized that God wants to give me my hearts desires. He knows what’s best for me more than anyone else. I can trust him. I’m excited to let him have it all, because I know He will give me far better things then I could ever desire.

BURDENS OF MY HEART

My heart is broken. I plead with you to open your hearts, to open your eyes, to see this truth for what it is even if it’s ugly and uncomfortable. God has revealed something in my heart, something new has been born. An anger, a rage, a sadness…something overwhelming. Facts have been thrown at me about different injustices, since I came here. However this morning it went straight to my heart.

Child pornography, human trafficking, slavery, abuse… this is our world. How can we possibly live each day knowing this is happening to people so helpless? These questions hit back and forth in my mind. I have always looked at people who devote their lives to looking after the poor, to looking after the needy, to looking after the broken, as amazing people.  They were the exception. But God has been speaking to me. Speaking to many. Saying this isn’t the exception , this is the rule. This is what God’s called us to do. What will separate us from the goats?

So with all these questions, with this knowledge, with this truth, I feel I must…I know I must go and do something about it. What that looks like I’m not sure. One way I’m thinking about doing this is staying with my school that I’m in now, but for two years travel to broken parts of countries and reaching the people there. In a deeper way be a ‘voice for the voiceless’. The aim is not just be a spectator and document issue’s in different countries, but to know the people. To listen to their cries. To help. With our camera’s as our weapon’s we aim to fight for these people, to reveal these issue’s to governments, to the rich, to the church, to the world. To find ways we can conquer these issues, to show that God loves these people just as much as he loves you and I. After two years of doing this we will come back to the University of Nations and compile all our information/photographs/film and make a book or dvd or both to get these people’s stories out. This is also a photography class, so along the way we will be harnessing our skills as photography and hopefully ending up with a degree from the U of N. We will study photography and design, biblical studies, worldview and related issues. It will be crazy, fun, heartbreaking, exhilarating, probably every kind of emotion.

Two other significant things that have happened are two specific words that people felt to give me, which I have given to God to bring to reality. One was the verse Isaiah 61:1-3, then the other was a word that Jay Lukas(a speaker) felt to give me, that God was changing the orientation of where home is to me. That home is not going to just be in NZ but around the world and wherever he chooses to lead me.  Both of these people don’t know me from a bar of soap but it was awesome to have God use them to speak to me.

 HELP!

It’s a hard thing to ask in this economic situation. But I do believe my God is bigger than money and I know he will help me and provide for me. So please pray, I need all the prayer I can get. Also if anyone would want to be my long term supporter…well I NEED YOU haha, it will end up costing me $3000 a month to do this thing. So I need a lot of supporters! These costs cover travel,  food, a roof over my head etc.

So I’m asking you, if you can, if you feel like Gods is asking you to then I would so so so appreciate your help. But only if that’s what you feel God is saying, otherwise/ or /and your prayers are so important to me. Thank you so much for already supporting me thus far, and if that’s all you can do I want you to know that I appreciate it so much. All of this is up to God though, if the doors close on this I know he will still lead me into something awesome no matter where I am, I’m simply taking a stab in the dark and hoping he will light up my path.

ok so....

I have had a really amazing weekend. Really amazing. We went to Mile 88 beach and it was AMAZING! I will post some photo's on facebook. It was also the first time I have been burnt since being here. Ouch. We have had really good weather and it is getting hotter now each day I swear I am going to melt into a pool of sweat.
While the weekends are awesome and relaxing, the weeks are still pretty full on and intense.We spent this week with reading Genisis for two hours each morning, so we read the whole book and also Hebrews.It was really cool and eye opening.
Over this week we have to chose what countries we want to do a short outreach to when we are in Panama, I think I want to go to Colombia or Cuba, but we will have to see! At the end of the month I have to pay for my outreach flights which I still dont have all the money for, so Im trying to figure out ways to raise it. Prayer would be much appreciated.

The TRACK.....
SOOOOO. There is an option at the end of this DTS for me to join a group of people from this PhotogenX dts and other people from around the world on a journey to learn about and to expose the brokeness and injustice of the world. Our aim is to not just be 'photographers' but also to get involved and help make a difference while we are there, and to contiue to do so by bringing these issues to goverments, to nations, to churches.
We would literally be going around the whole world,(for two years) going to all sorts of countries and going to places that would most probably not be on your typical 'tour' guide. This is an amazing opportunity, however I dont know if this is what God is calling me too, so Im gonna be praying A LOT.

Ok so turns out not matter where I go this is the comment I get: " Naomi.... your really weird"

......im learning to accept this and asking Jesus to help me. haha

I miss you guys butt loads. Really. So email me. I may not email back straight away but i read them al. Its just hard to get time to get on here. mail me! Ill mail back!..put ur sender thingy on the letter. Honestly I would be so excited.

Ok dont know what else to blog about. Ill make my next one more exciting.

LOVE LOVE AND MORE LOVE

Growing pains...

This week has been...well crazy.So full of so much stuff it feels like a month has passed by. We had two speakers, a husband and wife speaking, Faith and Andrew Dutton. Amazing speakers, really in tune with God and listening to his voice.  Faith was born in NZ and she definatly has that bluntness that us NZers tend to carry, but it was still in love. It was so good to hear their message but really confronting. The topic was Freedom in Christ, so we really had to take a good hard look at our lives and sin and the junk but also the love of God and his grace, that he wants to set us free.

Its different to a lot of messages I have heard about repentance because it wasnt all caught up in feeling sorry for myself. It was more like, be an adult, make adult decisions about the crap in your life. God wants us to 'grow up'. I realised I cant keep making excuses or shift blame for things I have done. I need to take responsibilty for what I have done and what I will do. Also the fact its not about us. This whole relationship with God isnt all about US doing anything, its about God using us to do the work. I really had to look at the reasons behind why I want to love and serve God, was it so that I felt all warm and happy inside? Or was it because I want to serve God and show people his love.

Growing hurts, Im realising this quickly. It doesnt feel good, but I have to grow because I cannot stand just staying in one place. What a waste of a life God breathed, I have to be faithful with each day, or why would he want to give me any more?

I need to 'shutup and die' (to self)

Learning to not be led by emotions but by my will, is a whole other thing. Something Im growing in and that I have to choose to do each day.

I have had two words of knowledge spoken over me this week (flipin crazy week) one was Isaiah 61:1-3...over the call in my life, I am giving this up to God and asking Him to reveal what this looks like in my life. Also... I was in the prayer room, completly exhausted and just crying out to God, a guy came over and asked if he could pray for me so he did, and totally spoke into issues that I was facing at that moment, it was awesome.

So Ill stop my rambling but as you can see... a lot of stuff has been happening. I am learning a lot but I am still LEARNING, I have none of this down to a fine art so am continually asking for Gods grace. Thank you all for your prayer and please keep it coming. I also keep you all in my prayer and miss you all. I really really love you all. SO MUCH. you have no idea. You are my family.

MUM AND DAD, just thought I would let you know that I love you and am so apreciative of what you have done in my life, I'm so blessed.

So that was kinda like a dairy entry but. well this is me now

Love you all.

My first blog...EVER

Ok so here I am...on a land far far away, with people who talk funny...and who can't understand me at all. Welcome to YWAM! I have been here a week, but the week feels like months, not because its tedious or boring or anything bad. But because its all so new, and jam packed!

Our morning starts at 6:30am for breakfast, then at 8am we have our first class. This runs untill 12pm then we have lunch we have a short break then work duty for two hours. After this we have dinner then we have another class till 8pm. Then free to do what we want. But we are mostly wasted by this time so we don't last long.

God really broke through to me on the second night being there. We had a day and night of testimonys from each person in the class-all 54 of us- durring the last half God broke my heart for the people around me. Without realising it I had built up judgments of the people in my class, but durring this time I saw how broken and dependent on God we ALL were. God also showed me some of the love he had for this people and how he wants me to love them like that. I really think this is one of the main reasons I am here. To not focus on being loved as much as giving love. To die to self. That is going to be hard! But I am asking God to take me through those steps.

Our meals are pretty good, not cooked in pure lard like I thought may happen. But we have had curry's, roasts(kinda), salads, burritos...a little bit of pasta but not as much as I would have liked!

I know this will dissapoint everyone..except for maybe mum and dad. But I have not found the man of my dreams haha.

The people are also amazing. They are giving and loving. I have made some good mates, Im encouraging everyone to come back to New Zealand with me! Everyone loves New Zealand too.
I am also thinking about doing the 2 year course which I follow on straight after the DTS we go around the world using photography focussing on a main issue and then publishing a book or dvd about the issue at the end. Possibly approaching goverments about it, some how getting the word out there to bring change. I have given this up to God, I am not sure if this is what I should do or not, so a lot of prayer will go into it.

This is me, this is now.
Forever searching and listening for Gods voice.