THE UPDATE
It is now my one month anniversary of being in the beautiful Big Island of Hawaii. This month has been an extravaganza of spiritual surgery. God has broken me in so many ways but I know its just the start. In a way that’s scary but at the same time it’s exhilarating. God has been revealing to me what it means to totally lay down everything at his feet. To offer back to him what he has originally gave to me in the first place. This means what I think my ‘rights’ are, are no longer my rights. He has been teaching me so much through all the different speakers. Before I came here, as many of you know from my first letter, I have been exploring what Romans 12 looks like in my life. Now God is refining that, He is gently asking permission to enter into parts of my life. For example my relationships, my home, my family, all these things a need to lay at the cross and abandon my right to them. This is scary. At the start of the month I got so scared and the devil used all these revelations to totally warp my view on my God that I serve. My picture of him was of a God who wanted to take everything till I hurt. Till I suffered. Until I was left with nothing.
I struggled with this for a few weeks, it became such a burden, such a worry that I ended up breaking down into a fit of tears. I didn’t understand this God I served and I didn’t want to give him everything because if he wanted me to suffer then surely he wouldn’t give anything good back to me. Ultimately I was being selfish. I was wanting to have control, I was wanting to insure my comfortable life. I wanted to decide how much I suffered. And my view on my Father was totally warped. I was letting satan lie to me.
Luckily God cared enough to speak through other people, with words of knowledge, of affirmation, and of his love for ME. I realized that God wants to give me my hearts desires. He knows what’s best for me more than anyone else. I can trust him. I’m excited to let him have it all, because I know He will give me far better things then I could ever desire.
BURDENS OF MY HEART
My heart is broken. I plead with you to open your hearts, to open your eyes, to see this truth for what it is even if it’s ugly and uncomfortable. God has revealed something in my heart, something new has been born. An anger, a rage, a sadness…something overwhelming. Facts have been thrown at me about different injustices, since I came here. However this morning it went straight to my heart.
Child pornography, human trafficking, slavery, abuse… this is our world. How can we possibly live each day knowing this is happening to people so helpless? These questions hit back and forth in my mind. I have always looked at people who devote their lives to looking after the poor, to looking after the needy, to looking after the broken, as amazing people. They were the exception. But God has been speaking to me. Speaking to many. Saying this isn’t the exception , this is the rule. This is what God’s called us to do. What will separate us from the goats?
So with all these questions, with this knowledge, with this truth, I feel I must…I know I must go and do something about it. What that looks like I’m not sure. One way I’m thinking about doing this is staying with my school that I’m in now, but for two years travel to broken parts of countries and reaching the people there. In a deeper way be a ‘voice for the voiceless’. The aim is not just be a spectator and document issue’s in different countries, but to know the people. To listen to their cries. To help. With our camera’s as our weapon’s we aim to fight for these people, to reveal these issue’s to governments, to the rich, to the church, to the world. To find ways we can conquer these issues, to show that God loves these people just as much as he loves you and I. After two years of doing this we will come back to the University of Nations and compile all our information/photographs/film and make a book or dvd or both to get these people’s stories out. This is also a photography class, so along the way we will be harnessing our skills as photography and hopefully ending up with a degree from the U of N. We will study photography and design, biblical studies, worldview and related issues. It will be crazy, fun, heartbreaking, exhilarating, probably every kind of emotion.
Two other significant things that have happened are two specific words that people felt to give me, which I have given to God to bring to reality. One was the verse Isaiah 61:1-3, then the other was a word that Jay Lukas(a speaker) felt to give me, that God was changing the orientation of where home is to me. That home is not going to just be in NZ but around the world and wherever he chooses to lead me. Both of these people don’t know me from a bar of soap but it was awesome to have God use them to speak to me.
HELP!
It’s a hard thing to ask in this economic situation. But I do believe my God is bigger than money and I know he will help me and provide for me. So please pray, I need all the prayer I can get. Also if anyone would want to be my long term supporter…well I NEED YOU haha, it will end up costing me $3000 a month to do this thing. So I need a lot of supporters! These costs cover travel, food, a roof over my head etc.
So I’m asking you, if you can, if you feel like Gods is asking you to then I would so so so appreciate your help. But only if that’s what you feel God is saying, otherwise/ or /and your prayers are so important to me. Thank you so much for already supporting me thus far, and if that’s all you can do I want you to know that I appreciate it so much. All of this is up to God though, if the doors close on this I know he will still lead me into something awesome no matter where I am, I’m simply taking a stab in the dark and hoping he will light up my path.
